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Ideally, I would be straight, so I wouldn’t have to worry about this nonsense. I wish I could like it, as it’s making life a lot more difficult. I hate the pressure of feeling the need to perform anal as it’s something I REALLY don’t want to do. Unfortunately, guys like this are few and far between. We did everything else except anal and I felt satisfied enough with that. The happiest I’ve been in my life was when I was in a relationship with another guy who didn’t like anal. To be honest, I can’t stand most gay men I’ve met. Gay men are so superficial and only care about anal in one way or another. The guy of my dreams literally refused to meet me when I made this confession (“there’s no point going on a date/being in a relationship with you if you’re not going to give me sex”). I really want a boyfriend, but I’ve been told countless times on dating sites that they can’t “go without sex”, even though I’m happy to do anything except anal. I keep trying to tell myself that I like it, because it’s the done thing. It’s dirty (even if you douche – you still have little particles of s**t present)! If I’m watching porn, I can’t even look at anal without feeling a bit squeamish. In both instances, I kept going soft at the thought. I didn’t find it particularly pleasurable (even though most people say that it feels great) and I enjoy getting sucked off way more. I’ve only topped twice (once unprotected, once protected) and I didn’t enjoy it either time. I don’t see how anyone could find it pleasurable. Even when they’re gentle, I find it very painful (particularly around my prostate, funnily enough). I particularly hate it when a top says this (“well, if it’s so painless, why don’t YOU do it?! ”).
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I’ve heard the whole ****-and-bull story “that the top isn’t doing it right” – there’s no way that I’ve had a bad top every time I’ve had sex. I am constantly worrying about s***d**k (even though I douche), find it very painful and get no pleasure whatsoever out of it. I’ve bottomed quite a lot and I haven’t enjoyed it once. Basically, every time I bottom I hate it.